I confess. Once again, I couldn't remember which email I signed in with...or my password. Seriously?! What's my problem?? Proves just one thing: I'm not blogging enough!!! I have SO much to write about, but haven't found the time.
1) My nephew, Caleb. He was diagnosed with Leukemia a month ago. You know, the adorable one in the blog below. The one I envy my sister about. THAT one. This is the closest child to my heart. I know when I have my own, I may feel differently, but right now, officially my favorite kid on the planet. He is so hilarious and sweet, I adore his very being. I'm having a really hard time accepting that he may very well die. He's 3. 3 year-olds don't DIE, do they? They've just BEGUN their lives. It's so incomprehensible that it makes my literally sick to my stomach to even comsider it. But the facts are that he is not responding well to treatment and he has several factors that have proven to have the worst outcomes. So I am currently questioning every belief I have that a higher power exists. I try, I do, to understand that God has a "plan", that there is the proverbial reason for everything. But tell me...what is the REASON for this?
2) So we're going "home" to Florida. Only, I'm not sure what that really means. Is home the physical space in which we live? Is it where our loved ones are? Or maybe where we are the most comfortable, the place that most fulfills our desires. Can that be more than one place? This is my dilemma.
Florida is the place I lived for the longest amount of time in my life. It is where I spent my formidable years. Where my family moved to. Where I made the closest, longest friendships. The beach on which I layed for more hours than I care to admit was a half hour from my house. It is the place I met the man I will spend my life with, where we promised our undying love to one another. I have the best memories of my life there. There is an orange, purple sunset like no other I have ever seen, where the sun disappears into an endless blue sea. It is beyond beautiful.
Colorado is the place I chose to go for it's energy, beauty and complete change of scenery. It is the first place I actually cried because I was so touched by the awesome beauty of my surroundings. I know God is real because of the true beauty in nature I have witnessed here. It is the place I have grown to realize my strength of character, my ability to adapt. WhereI discovered things I never realized I have a passion for until I had the chance to experience them. I have made friends that have inspired me to be a better person, to go beyond what I knew I could do.
So which is home? They say "Home is where your heart is", but it is literally torn between these two amazing places. What I do know, is that right now, given THESE circumstances, home has to be where the time with my precious nephew may be limited. It is where he is, laughing his silly laugh, dancing his wiggly dance. I guess home will be wherever I am.
1) My nephew, Caleb. He was diagnosed with Leukemia a month ago. You know, the adorable one in the blog below. The one I envy my sister about. THAT one. This is the closest child to my heart. I know when I have my own, I may feel differently, but right now, officially my favorite kid on the planet. He is so hilarious and sweet, I adore his very being. I'm having a really hard time accepting that he may very well die. He's 3. 3 year-olds don't DIE, do they? They've just BEGUN their lives. It's so incomprehensible that it makes my literally sick to my stomach to even comsider it. But the facts are that he is not responding well to treatment and he has several factors that have proven to have the worst outcomes. So I am currently questioning every belief I have that a higher power exists. I try, I do, to understand that God has a "plan", that there is the proverbial reason for everything. But tell me...what is the REASON for this?
2) So we're going "home" to Florida. Only, I'm not sure what that really means. Is home the physical space in which we live? Is it where our loved ones are? Or maybe where we are the most comfortable, the place that most fulfills our desires. Can that be more than one place? This is my dilemma.
Florida is the place I lived for the longest amount of time in my life. It is where I spent my formidable years. Where my family moved to. Where I made the closest, longest friendships. The beach on which I layed for more hours than I care to admit was a half hour from my house. It is the place I met the man I will spend my life with, where we promised our undying love to one another. I have the best memories of my life there. There is an orange, purple sunset like no other I have ever seen, where the sun disappears into an endless blue sea. It is beyond beautiful.
Colorado is the place I chose to go for it's energy, beauty and complete change of scenery. It is the first place I actually cried because I was so touched by the awesome beauty of my surroundings. I know God is real because of the true beauty in nature I have witnessed here. It is the place I have grown to realize my strength of character, my ability to adapt. WhereI discovered things I never realized I have a passion for until I had the chance to experience them. I have made friends that have inspired me to be a better person, to go beyond what I knew I could do.
So which is home? They say "Home is where your heart is", but it is literally torn between these two amazing places. What I do know, is that right now, given THESE circumstances, home has to be where the time with my precious nephew may be limited. It is where he is, laughing his silly laugh, dancing his wiggly dance. I guess home will be wherever I am.
