I kinda KNEW I was clueless about life. I mean, people still shock the hell outta me, no matter how well I think I can read them. Things rarely go as planned, regardless of the forethought given. And life in general...well, it is like an actual roller coaster. You hear this cliche quite a bit, but it's SO true. Situations can change DAILY. Up, down, fast, frightening, exhilerating....
I guess I just hoped that with age would come some clarity, but I find myself increasingly confused. I like to think I'm a worldly gal so things should make more sense, right? Not like I've lead some charmed, sheltered life. It's been hard, to say the least. SO, then WHY do I have nothing figured out??? Case in point: my marriage. I've made some not-so-good choices with men in the past (I'll blame that on daddy issues, THAT'S a whole other blog!), but I really, truly feel I chose wisely with my husband. He's smart, funny, kind, loyal...I mean, on paper, he's downright amazing. But life has dealt him/us some serious blows and now, we're having a tough time coping. We are the couple all of our friends have always envied and aspired to be like. I don't say that to be arrogant, it's just been THAT good...naturally, without a ton of "work" having to be done. We just...were. That's why I fell in love with him. The best man I'd ever known, who loved ME (ME???!!), and brought out the woman in me I knew was there, but was never trusting enough of anyone to show. I have never compromised who I am, and he loves me for it. So how did this happen to US? We're not some damn statistic, so I refuse to chalk it up to "50% of marriages end in divorce". We're better than that....at our best, we're unstoppable. Hell, MEDIOCRE, we're still pretty darn good.
So, the newest question I have (one of many) is, can we do this? Can we survive? Will we ever be the same? Will it be even better? I guess only time will tell. The problem is, in my experience, time hasn't told me much of anything. And therein lies the problem.
I guess I just hoped that with age would come some clarity, but I find myself increasingly confused. I like to think I'm a worldly gal so things should make more sense, right? Not like I've lead some charmed, sheltered life. It's been hard, to say the least. SO, then WHY do I have nothing figured out??? Case in point: my marriage. I've made some not-so-good choices with men in the past (I'll blame that on daddy issues, THAT'S a whole other blog!), but I really, truly feel I chose wisely with my husband. He's smart, funny, kind, loyal...I mean, on paper, he's downright amazing. But life has dealt him/us some serious blows and now, we're having a tough time coping. We are the couple all of our friends have always envied and aspired to be like. I don't say that to be arrogant, it's just been THAT good...naturally, without a ton of "work" having to be done. We just...were. That's why I fell in love with him. The best man I'd ever known, who loved ME (ME???!!), and brought out the woman in me I knew was there, but was never trusting enough of anyone to show. I have never compromised who I am, and he loves me for it. So how did this happen to US? We're not some damn statistic, so I refuse to chalk it up to "50% of marriages end in divorce". We're better than that....at our best, we're unstoppable. Hell, MEDIOCRE, we're still pretty darn good.
So, the newest question I have (one of many) is, can we do this? Can we survive? Will we ever be the same? Will it be even better? I guess only time will tell. The problem is, in my experience, time hasn't told me much of anything. And therein lies the problem.
